Counting Down the Days

...or weeks. Ten weeks. That's all I have left in the United States. My husband's going to be on orders to Germany. And I'm thrilled.

But I'm stressed out, too.

There's so much to do.

Order birth certificates. Social security cards (why has it taken me so long?). Get dogs shots and microchips.

Movers.

Give housing our notice.

Clean.

Have a yard sale. Decide what we don't want to keep.

Learn to speak German. So glad we have free Rosetta Stone.

Look where we get to live...

Vacation, Sweet Vacation

I've just returned from a much-needed, restful, fun vacation with my daughters, mother, and sister.

We camped in Stephen Foster State Park in White Springs, FL. Well...I say camped, but actually, we cabined. Yes. I created a word. Cabined. We cabined. Or housed, as it were. It wasn't a real cabin. It was large. And well appointed.

We rested.

We played.

We climbed.

We hiked.

We rode.

Well, not me. But everyone else rode.

We enjoyed nature.

We laughed.

And we got ticks.

And now, it's back to reality. In another house. Without ticks.

I Have

Fibromyalgia.

I went to see the rheumatologist last week. I've been missing in action on all three of my blogs, and I've felt guilty about it. I've missed posting. But I've been so very sick and tired.

I'm like the lady on the commercials for Lyrica. As a matter of fact, that's one of the many prescriptions I now keep on my desk.

I take several more.

Want to feel "old"? Walk out of the pharmacy with a giant brown paper grocery bag filled with your medications!

So, what is Fybromyalgia, anyway? Well, I'm learning more about it each day. I'm already compiling a list of questions to ask my doctor next time I see him (in a month).

Will it get worse? Is it a progressive disease?

Will the medications stop working after a while?

Fibromyalgia is a neurological disorder when a person's brain sends out too many pain receptors...or something like that. Basically, it means that I feel more pain than the average person. And by more, I mean excruciating at times.

I feel like my bones are sick.

I ache.

I hurt.

I am constantly exhausted.

I sleep twelve to fourteen hours a day.

I get bad headaches that take three doses of medicine to go away.

I forget simple words. Like SALT. I forget appointments.

My joints hurt. My muscles hurt. My skin hurts.

But not all the time. And not always all at once. And not in the same places every time, either.

Right now, I feel pretty good.

So I'm here, writing to you. And later, I'm even planning on sharing a recipe on my cooking blog. As long as my energy holds up.

And if it doesn't? I'll just let myself crawl into bed and watch some garbage on Netflix, snuggled between two comforters and a fleece blanket.

And I'll try again tomorrow.

Waiting

I am no good at waiting.

I'm waiting for test results. These results will tell me whether or not I have a life-changing medical condition.

And it's weird, but I almost wish they would come back positive. Just so I had answers.

Because many times, the unknown is far worse than the known. At least if I know, I can do.

I hope they call today with the results. I've been waiting all weekend.

I was told the results would be in "the first of next week" and today is technically that day. Please, please, let those results come today. Either way. So that I know.

I'm tired. I just want to know.

Rough Start to the Day

My precious little one had an emotional morning today. Her pants didn't feel right. Her hair was tangled. She couldn't find her folder. She was tired. She was weepy.

I wish I could keep her home and make her feel better. I hated sending her off to school like that. I hated it. She's my baby.

I gave her a long hug and a back rub, reassured her how much I love her, and tried to be cheerful as I sent her walking to school.

She dragged her umbrella, head hung low, as she walked out of my sight.

I don't know what brings on rough mornings like this one, but it's tough to be a mom in times like this, having to do the grown-up thing, sending her to school despite her bad morning. I'd rather crawl into bed with her, cuddle her, hold her, console her, coddle her, and let her fall back asleep and try the day all over again.

But she'll be okay. And so will I.

And at the end of the day, we'll crawl into bed, cuddle, and chat. And all will be right in the world.

My Weird Dream

I love it when I can remember my dreams. It doesn't often happen. Hey, I'm a busy mother. I am lucky to get enough sleep at night. I sleep lightly, but I sleep deeply at the same time. It's a mom thing. Anyway, that means I don't frequently remember my dreams. A couple mornings ago, I woke up with the memory of a vivid, strange dream. I thought I would share it here.

My mother and I were in a shopping mall. We were looking at pictures of my youngest sister and her boyfriend. They were prom king and queen in the photos. At the mall, the same sister was competing in a Thanksgiving food eating contest with many other girls her age. None of them looked happy to be there.

As my sister was scarfing down mashed potatoes, my mother asked me if her sneakers...sneakers, mind you, made her look fat. I assured her that, no, they didn't make her look fat in the least bit.

At that moment, a snooty woman with a bully breed of dog on a thin flexible leash walked by us and her dog began attacking my mother! He was barking and biting and lunging at her. My mother and I yelled at the owner of the dog, using many expletives, chiding her to get out of the mall with her crazy-ass dog. She was offended and refused to leave.instead, she kept walking through the mall.

My mother and I ran after her, yelling at her to leave.I asked my mother to call the police, but she wouldn't donut. I got the feeling she was afraid of the police, though she never said so. She just wouldn't call them.

It irritated me that she wouldn't call (why didn't I just call? Dreams are funny things). so I ran out of the mall into the parking lot.

My mother came racing past me, giggling and simply said, in a manic voice, "run!"

I looked behind her and there was a tiny, pink pig. I asked my mother, "is that a wild boar?" and she nodded, still running away quickly.

Suddenly, I was encumbered by a grocery shopping cart full of bags of something. It was heavy and I couldn't run fast like my mother. I tried to jump onto an old boxy car to escape the vicious pink piggy, but I didn't make it.

The pig bit my calf and I woke up.

How's that for a strange dream? Have you had any good dreams lately?

Goals for the New Year, Revisited

In the last thirty days, I've talked a bit about my goals for the new year. Here's how I'm doing...

Goal 1: lose 49 pounds in 2011.

Progress: I've lost 8.6 pounds so far in 2011.

Left to go: 40.4

Feelings: YAY! This is going to happen! I'm doing great at this goal!

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Goal 2: Establish a $500 savings buffer.

Progress: I've budgeted $30 toward this cause so far.

Left to go: $470

Feelings: All of my financial goals are going to be hard to meet this year due to unforeseen expenses that recently cropped up. However, I will keep at it! I might even be able to totally fund this with our tax return. We'll see.

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Goal 3: Make at least two double car payments.

Progress: So far, none.

Left to go: $993.56

Feelings: not insurmountable. I plan to use some of our tax refund to do this. Taxes are already filed, so I'm hoping to have this goal crossed off the list by late February!

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Goal 4: Pay off credit card.

Progress: None. Paid $100 this month but ended up using it! :(

Left to go: $1800

Feelings: Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

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Finally, just because I'm so crazy about them, here are a couple pictures of my dogs.  I hope you enjoy your Thursday!